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5 Unexpected Steps for Getting What You Want
I have a confession.
I am super ineffective with cab drivers. I live in Manhattan and take cabs home at night a lot, so this is important. Ninety percent of the time when I tell them where I want to be dropped off (five doors in on the left), they DO NOT leave me there.
Now, I know that I live exactly five doors in from the end. I have counted many times. But because of how the buildings look and because of hydrant placement, the cab drivers either think they ARE stopping five doors in, from their perspective, or CHOOSE to go further down the block. Maybe this wouldn’t bother me, except that further down the block, there is some seedy activity I’d prefer to avoid at night.
So I had the revelation that I need to say what works, not “what’s right.”
Here’s my experiment: From now on, I am going to say “three cars in” and see what happens.
How many times have you tried the same approach over and over and never got a good result but persisted because you knew you were right? Ahhh, that rush of energy and power we get from being right! But, in the long run, so not worth it. As a coach, I see this phenomenon everywhere in peoples’ lives, especially the most important areas: body, career, and love. Here are some examples:
- Cindy can’t seem to lose weight, despite counting calories.
- George can’t get through to his boss; even though he keeps bringing up what’s not working at their meetings, nothing gets corrected.
- Jennifer can’t seem to get her husband to have important conversations, even though she asks for them all the time.
Why are all these people stuck? Because they keep doing what they think is right instead of what will actually work.
I am positively positive that there are solutions to every one of the issues we have. We are meant to have most of what we want, especially if it’s good for us: like vibrant health, enjoyment of and recognition for work well done, plenty of money and love.
So, pick the area where you are “stuck” and try my five steps for getting what you want.
Admit “maybe it’s you.” Maybe it’s you who’s in the way. Just because you have tried or are trying an approach, doesn’t mean it’s the one that will work.
Admit the negatives you bring to the situation. That could mean past resentments, guilt, excuses, fears, negative theories about how things work or don’t work for you. Get that stuff all written out, so it no longer masquerades as sensible and helpful in your mind.